“When You Put it Like That”
“In the past seven weeks, my opponent has made many outlandish claims on their various social media accounts. For example, the wildfires plaguing four of our western states aren’t the result of droughts caused by climate change, but a warning from God of what is to come unless American changes its way and gets back on the good path. And what had America done wrong, that God needed to send us such a message? America had the audacity of letting a transgender athlete compete and … win.
“He has also stated that the collapse of the Bastress Bridge didn’t happen because it was at the end of its design life and years of underfunding resulted in poor maintenance, something engineers had been warning about the bridge for years. No, the bridge collapsed because a fellow Republican – who naturally would oppose any infrastructure spending because anything other than giving yet another tax cut to billionaires is socialism – running in a special election to fill a vacancy in the State House, of the neighboring state, lost. And they lost, not because they were a bad candidate with a questionable history, but because – according to my opponent – Satan organized the ‘Woke Mob’ against him.
“Between the wildfires and the bridge collapse, seven Americans have tragically lost their lives. According to my opponent, to make sure His message is heard, God will kill people. Now, in the very same past seven weeks, there have also been two mass shootings – in Clifford and Pavia – resulting in a total of twelve Americans dying. But were these tragic events God trying to send a message that we should, I don’t know, switch to the Metric System? We don’t know because my opponent, who seems to be the only one who can read the tea leaves God sends him, hasn’t mentioned them.
“If people hadn’t died, it would almost be funny watching my opponent and those like him twisting themselves into theological pretzels trying to explain why God would send a blizzard because, I don’t know, the number one movie in the country was – gasp – directed by a gay person, but does absolutely nothing when someone Second Amendments an elementary school.”
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For each story I publish, I like to give the backstory, or anything interesting that happened while writing it. You can see what I wrote for this story on my Published Works page.
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If you liked this story, you might want to check out Political Pies, my collection of forty stories of a political nature.